[Day-8] About me, or 9-28-95-5-78-7-65536-9 (Part 3)

Note: in case you landed here by accident, here is PART 1, and PART 2.

And as you might have guessed there is a PART 3, which I did call a USER MANUEL, or what you need to know before saying Hello 🙂
Au passage, I think it would be cool to have a mobile app that would store a similar set of instructions for each person you meet,  would be so much easier to interact with each other haha . .  So I’m currently looking for a business partner to bring this ingenious idea to life, anyone? 😂  😂 😂.

PART 3. USER MANUEL (OR EKATERINA, VERSION WITH SUBTITLES)

1. 1. 1.  I’m direct. I mean really direct.  The brain-mouth filter was forgotten by the production line manager, and so I say things first and do the damage control later.  Therefore, if you feel that I’m a b…h, just try to replace it with the word “direct”, the survivors reported it helps 😂  😂  😂
         And before you get your expectation low, I must mention that there is a positive side to this trait – you will always know what I really think and there are rarely any surprises with me, which do make it much easier to work together (well, it comes as a shock in the beginning but then you get used to it. And those who stick around long enough even consider it charming, authentic and unique)  (and, yes, the total number of these “those” is higher than 1, in case you were wondering).
      2. I love sarcasm. Sometimes to excess… Ok, who am I kidding,  OFTEN to excess. So much so that I often present it as another language I’m fluent in (which make the total of 7, and here is your number 6 from the title). Coupled with the radical candor from the paragraph above I must sound like a real picnic 🙂 Before you run to the woods, it is important to know, my sarcasm is never meant to be mean, and holds no intention to  “mock” someone.  It’s rather a culturally inherited admiration for multi-layered jokes. Which means that you have to make several logic operations before you understand why it’s funny.  And if you can make fun of another person in a smart enough way as well as make sure that the other person “gets it”,  the conversation is so much more fun.
         So whenever you feel like saying a B-word, think “sarcasm” instead. And again, if I realise I did overdose the acid in my humour and actually made it NOT fun to the other person, I do apologise (and I mean it when I do).
      3. I’m a brain puzzles addict (I wanted to use brainiac, but it did sound way too pretentious). What I mean by that is my insatiable need for constant brain stimulation. When most people need to take a break they would usually think of a party, drinks, easy movies or tv shows… In my case, it would be something that does make the grey cells work rather than killing them (“which alcohol literally does btw” – said a health concerned old lady in me). So my version of procrastinating activities is kinda boring for the general public (so yeah you might add another B-word to the list of the words you will describe me with).
         When I need to take a break my top 5 apps are Chess, Lumosity, Memrise (for Japanese),  DuoLingo (for German), and IBooks (there was the 2048 before, but it went off from the list when I hit the maximum possible number – 65536 – and it lost its interest… it took me 4 weeks on and off.. if you are wondering. And, yes,  I have a proof!)
      4. I have a very respectful and long-lasting relationship with SLEEP.  So I think this will be the biggest challenge this August. It is important to know that the Direct and Sarcastic traits become way more prominent when I don’t get 9h of restful dream watching (and here is the last number from the title). So whenever you have an urge to use one of the 2 B-words mentioned previously try to replace it with “sleep deprived”.
      5. I like smileys (this must have come as a shock I know😂  😂  😂 ) and I like to smile (and to laugh), hence I like jokes. But as I previously mentioned most of them are sarcastic. So if you didn’t get my joke, it is most probably because of a bad translation from Russian (well, some people tend to believe that it has nothing to do with the language, but those are lost humourless souls that don’t count…). And sometimes my jokes are actually funny (or my friends are VERY good actors and very good friends)
      6. I’m a foodie. I do eat “cosmonauts” food most of the time :)) If you will have a pleasure to sit next to me (yes, I do have a hint of diva attitude sometimes haha) you will end up learning quite a few dishes and ingredients you didn’t know exist: like hemp seeds, chia grains, oat milk, chlorella and so on.  To add to this  I also ambitiously (or pretentiously) call myself a food blogger (and there is actually a website with my humble creation in this domain if you are interested parisallabout.com).  Which means I’m one of those people who photograph their food before eating… Modern Instagram version of a before-meal-prayer  😂  😂  😂  , so please don’t disturb the ritual if you get to be a vitness (and you most probably will).
      7.  I’m Russian. If you still want to use on of the B-words (or C-words if you are French – I let you decipher this one on your own haha) and the reason why does not fit in one of the previous 6 boxes from the above list, you can always put it in this last category.  It’s very broad and has nearly limitless capacity for the weird and unexplainable behaviours you will have the luck to witness if you I stick around.

To give you a sneak pick for what  IT DOES INCLUDE:
– I do have this “don’t approach” expression in my purse
– I do dress up, care about my hairstyle and manicure (even when going to the coding school)
– I did read at least 20 000 pages of classic literature by the age of 15
– I do know how to play chess
– I do tend to give my opinion even when I’m not asked for (basically, whenever I hear something to have an opinion about, I do)
– I do tend to consider that I’m right even if 10 people try to convince me otherwise
– I do not give a f..k about being politically correct

and what is more important, just because I’m Russian it DOES NOT NECESSARILY INCLUDE:
– I do NOT drink alcohol! (so please put your predictable vodka jokes on a shelve, or even lock in the old oak chest) (Yes, at all, or almost. My total annual consumption should measure in less than 3 litres of wine because there are Birthdays, New Years and Michelin Restaurants that are still a part of my agenda)
– I do NOT like cold! And no, we don’t have the immune shot against it at the age of 2 (surprise surprise) (so please refer to the previous comment in parentheses regarding the jokes)
– I did NOT sit in the room with our government (aka Vladimir Putin) over the last political decisions, so please, spare me of your opinions and judgement on any of those. I can tell you what I THINK about it, but I’m not really interested to hear WHY you think otherwise or/and how wrong and unethical those decisions were.   nd before you ask, yes, I do like Russian president.
– I do NOT know all the French cultural references to understand your jokes even if I speak the language fluently. So if I’m not laughing when you said something “funny” it’s not because I’m stupid, but instead: it either because of what I said just before (cultural references), or it’s just NOT funny (e.i. the joke didn’t meet a minimum criteria to be qualified as  a smart = it’s way too obvious = not funny), (and before you comment on this please refer to the previous section “I do tend to consider that I’m right even if 10 people around think otherwise”)

And I think the good finishing phrase to that list would be the one that I printed out at posted on the wall at my previous job .

If you are still reading (endless respect to those who do haha) and want to know more, here are the 2 things you can do:

1. Catch me for a lunch on one of those days when I had a 9-hour sleep
2. Read the 36 pages of the AssessFirst reports HERE.  (I kept the reflex of marketing the product even though I don’t work for them anymore haha). And jokes apart it’s kinda cool and lets you know yourself whole lot better. So if you want the same one for yourself, drop me a note 😉 And I do in fact have a PROJECT in mind that I would like to realise with the help of all of you. It’s around the PERSONALITIES at 42 (which it has in abundance) that to succeed at 42, but there will be another article on it.