[Day-8] About me, or 9-28-95-5-78-7-65536-9 (Part 3)

Note: in case you landed in here directly for some reason, here is the PART 1, and PART 2.

And as you might have guessed there is a PART 3, which I did call a USER MANUEL, or what you need to know before saying Hello 🙂
Au passage, I think it would be cool to have a mobile app that would store a similar set of instructions for each person you meet ,  would be so much easier to interact with each other haha 😂  😂 😂. . .  So I’m currently looking for a business partner to realise this ingenious idea, anyone?

PART 3. USER MANUEL (OR EKATERINA, VERSION WITH SUBTITLES)

      1.  I’m direct. I mean really direct.  The brain-mouth filter was forgotten by the production line manager, and so I do say first and do the damage control after.  So if you feel that I’m a b…h, just try to replace it with the word “direct”, the survivors reported it helps 😂  😂  😂   And I usually apologise later for being that (I let you education decide which of two definitions you prefer).
        And before you get your expectation low, there are in fact a very positive side to this trait – you will always know what I really think and there are rarely any surprises with me, which do make it much easier to work together (well, it comes as a shock in the beginning but then  you get used to it. And those who stick around long enough even consider it charming, authentic and unique)  (and, yes, the total number of these “those” is more than 2, in case you were wondering).
      2. I love sarcasm. Sometimes to excess… Ok, who am I kidding,  OFTEN to excess. So much so that I often present it as a separate language skill (which make the total of 7 that I speak with a different level of proficiency – and here is your number 6 from the title).  And this one makes a perfect couple with the previous statement haha (I guess you can’t wait to meet this charming creature I’m describing here 😂  😂  😂 ).  What is important to know, though, is that I never intend to “mock” someone with my sarcasm.  It’s rather a nationally inherited admiration for multi-layered jokes. Which means that you have to make several logic operations before you understand why it’s funny.  And if you can make fun of another person in a smart enough way as well as make sure that other person “gets it”,  the conversation is much more fun.
        So whenever you feel like saying a B-word, think “sarcasm” instead. And again, if I realise I did overdose the acid in my humour and actually made it NOT fun to the other person, I do apologise later (and I mean it when I do).
      3. I’m a brain puzzles addict (I wanted to use brainiac, but it did sound way too  pretentious). What I mean by that is the need of constant brain stimulation. When most people need to take a break they would usually think of a party, drinks, no brainer series… In my case it would be something  that does make the grey cells work rather than killing them (“which alcohol literally does btw” – said a health concerned old lady in me). So my version of procrastinating activities is kinda boring for the general public (so yeah you might add another B-word to the list of the words you will describe me with).
        When I need to take a break my top 5 apps are Lumosity,  iBrain, Memrise (for Japanese),  DuoLingo (for German) and IBooks (there was the 2048 before, but it went off from the list when I hit the maximum possible number – 65536 – and it lost its interest… it took me 4 weeks on and off.. if you are wondering. And, yes,  I have a proof!)
      4. I have a very respectful and  long lasting relationship with the SLEEP.  So I think this will be the biggest challenge during August. It is important to know that the Direct and Sarcastic traits become way more pronounced (both literally and metaphorically) when I don’t get 9h of restful dream watching (and here is the last number from the title). So whenever you have an urge to use one of the 2 B-words mentioned previously try to replace it with “sleep deprived”.
      5. I like smileys (this must have come as a shock😂  😂  😂 ) and I like to smile (and to laugh), hence I like jokes. But as I previously mentioned most of them are sarcastic. So if you didn’t get my joke, it is most probably because of a bad translation from Russian (well, some people tend to believe that it has nothing to do with the language, but whose are lost humourless souls that don’t count… even if there are dozens of them). And sometimes my jokes are actually funny (or my friends are VERY good actors and very good friends, or because I have a T-Shirt saying “if you think otherwise please it as your official position to the following address  ad let’s not speak of it again (V. Poutine, White House, Moscow, Russia”).
      6. I’m a foodie. I do eat “cosmonauts” food most of the time :)) If you will have a pleasure to sit next to me (yes, I do have this princess-like attitude to me haha) you will end up learning quite a few words of foods you didn’t know exist: like hemp seeds, chia grains, oat milk, chlorella and so on.  To add to this  I also ambitiously (or pretentiously) call myself a food blogger (and there is actually a website with my humble creation in this domain if you are interested parisallabout.com).  Which  means I’m one of those people who photograph their food before eating… Modern Instagram version of a before-meal-prayer in a way  😂  😂  😂  , so please don’t disturb the ritual if you get to face it (and you most probably will).
      7.  I’m Russian. If you still want to use on of the B-words (or C-words if you are French – I let you decipher this one on your own haha) and the reason why does not fit in one of the previous 6 boxes from the above list, you can always put it in this last category.  It’s very broad and has nearly limitless capacity for the  weird and unexplainable behaviours you will have the luck to witness if you I stick around.

To give you a sneak pick for what  IT DOES INCLUDE:
– I do have this “don’t approach” quality to my usual facial expression
– I do dress up, care about my hairstyle and manicure (even when going to the  coding school)
– I did read at least 20 000 pages of classic literature by the age of 15
– I do know how to play chess
– I do tend to give my opinion even when I’m not asked (basically, whenever I hear something to have an opinion about, I do)
– I do tend to consider that I’m right even if 10 people around think otherwise
– I do not give much importance to being politically correct

and what is more important, just because I’m Russian it DOES NOT NECESSARILY INCLUDE:
– I do NOT drink alcohol! (so please put your predictable vodka jokes on a shelve, or even lock in the old oak chest) (Yes, at all, or almost. The overall early consumption of alcohol should measure to be 3 litres of wine max because there are Birthdays, New Years and Michelin Restaurants that are still a part of my agenda)
– I do NOT like cold! And no, we don’t have the immune shot against it at the age of 2 (surprise surprise) (so please refer to the previous comment in parentheses regarding the jokes)
– I did NOT sit in the room with our government (aka Vladimir Putin) over the last political decisions, so please, spare me the judgemental attitude on any of those. I can tell you what I THINK about it, but I’m not much interested to hear WHY you think otherwise or/and how wrong and unethical those decisions were.   And before you ask, yes, I do like Russian president.
– I do NOT know all the French cultural references to understand your jokes even if I’m fluent in this language. So if I’m not laughing when you said something “funny” it’s not because I’m stupid, but because one of the two: either because of what I said just before (cultural references), or it’s just NOT funny (e.i. the joke didn’t meet a minimum criteria to be qualified as  a smart = it’s way too obvious = not funny), (and before you comment on this please refer to the previous section “I do tend to consider that I’m right even if 10 people around think otherwise”)

And I think the good finishing phrase to that list would be the one that I printed out at posted on the wall at my previous job .

images

If you are still reading (deep respect to those who do haha) and want to know more, here are the 2 things you can do:

  1. Catch me for a lunch on one of those days when I had a 9-hour sleep
  2. Read the 36 pages of the AssessFirst reports HERE.  (I kept the reflex of marketing the product even though I don’t work for them anymore haha). And jokes apart it’s kinda cool and lets you know yourself whole lot better. So if you want the same one for yourself, drop me a note 😉 And I do in fact have a PROJECT in mind that I would like to realise with the help of all of you. It’s around the PERSONALITIES at 42 (which it has in abundance) that to succeed at 42. There is a separate article on it.

 

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